I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We got so high we made milksteak
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
