I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
