Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
