wrigley field is MILF paradise
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
