U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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