I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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