you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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