you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and she was petting her beer can
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
