Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
