jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
