i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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