my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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