i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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