i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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