i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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