matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
