Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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