We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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