I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
