Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
