Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
