I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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