Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
