i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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