**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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