I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
