Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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