Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
