We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
