You really coming over, don't trick.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
