I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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