Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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