Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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