i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
True college students do jello shots in the library
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize