I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
