apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
