There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
