I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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