just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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