This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
