but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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