i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
