I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
