I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
