It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
