i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
