Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
