I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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