I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
