Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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