He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
