this boner is exhausting
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
