Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
