I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize