remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
