She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
