you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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