I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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