you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
