he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
