On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
