I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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