Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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