Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
