everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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