A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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