Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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