I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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